Window Flower
by antelucem
Summary: Two years after they meet, Jack decides to write Elsa a Great Big Thing—a story of the circumstances under which they met, and the way they fell in love. Because even though he was with Rapunzel at the time, even though both of them were damaged seemingly beyond repair, in their time, they found each other and tangled together like vines crawling up toward the sun. (Modern AU.)
1. To Be Honest

"Lovers, forget your loves/And list to the love of these/She a window flower/And he a winter breeze."—Robert Frost, "Wind and Window Flower"

* * *

To be honest, there's a couple of things you should know, Elsa, before digging into my piddling life of mediocrity (which, by the way, is a terrible idea):

(1) I can be kind of a shithead sometimes.

(2) Number one is really crucial to your interpretation of my actions.

(3) If any of this offends you, Elsa, I'd say I'm sorry, but to be honest, this is just the truth.

Elsa, as you know, there's a lot of things that happened the summer I turned eighteen. At the time, I'd just celebrated my one month anniversary with Rapunzel, who's kind of really important to this story, and as a result, I decided to go have a family dinner with her. She insisted.

I was to be inducted into Official Boyfriend Status, and when I saw you, I was still incredibly pissed at the fact that I was wearing a polo for this event. But seeing you—well, you'll learn how that played out for me.

Sorry if this is really cheesy—I know you hate that. I'll try my best, and this will be the Great Big Thing I promised you. I still promise that.

-Jack

(And P.S., I'm not going to address you anymore as "you," just look for your name. It'll make it easier for me to describe you, you know, and I'm really really grateful if you'll accept that—although you really have no other choice. Ha.)


	2. The Beginning

The first time I saw her, I did a double take.

It was Friday evening, and I was over at the Corona household. Rapunzel's house was gargantuan, and I felt incredibly self-conscious when I biked up to it. I didn't even know where to lock my bike, so I just kind of shoved it in some rose bushes. When I walked up to the house, I noticed that the door was unbelievably intricate, and because the sun was slowly melting off the sky, the whole place was bathed in this celestial light. The dull gold of the brass handles shone with a muted light, and I remember thinking '_Why the fuck are doorknobs so fancy_' before ringing the doorbell.

Rapunzel opened the door wearing this fantastic purple dress, and quickly she ushered me into a room where her parents stood with smiles on their faces.

Before dinner, Rapunzel introduced me to them, and my lips were sealed in a sort of permanent politeness. When I shook her parents' hands, I tried for that kind of grip that would show them that yes, I was an upstanding young man who deserved Rapunzel, and no, I wasn't the tool that I actually was.

My smile was fake, and my handshake was just as phony. Her parents probably didn't care for me at all either. They cared about their lovely lovely daughter, and they couldn't see for the life of them what she saw in me. I was the high school recluse, the boy with the skinny jeans and the tattered hoodie that sank in his own pools of despair. She was the bubbly one, the sun who pulled me in with her gravitational forces.

And I made them wary.

I hate meeting people (although to be fair, I sometimes hate people in general), and I felt like tugging at the polo Rapunzel hinted I should wear. She didn't force me to wear it, just looked at me with those huge green eyes so there was no way out of it.

I felt like burning the goddamn polo into ashes, and I wasn't happy with the airs I had to put on.

But I did it for Rapunzel. Because she made me feel better when she was around; she had this kind of magic touch to everything she did, and she could even make me really smile when she tried. I thought I could love her, so I stuck around for the dinner instead of finding some way to worm myself out of the situation. It also helped that her enthusiasm in just about everything made me want to be like that again, and she made me want to feel again.

So as I've said, I was going to be an Official Boyfriend.

Rapunzel was immediately aware of my discomfort around her parents—she's good like that with people—, so as soon as possible, she called down her cousins.

I knew that they were a pair of sisters, which made me sick to my stomach, because thinking of sisters generally made me want to fall back into the aforementioned despair. But I just stood really still, and bit the very inside of my lip until I tasted a little bit of blood.

The first cousin looked like Rapunzel, with those huge eyes and an ebullient smile on her face. She ran down the stairs, practically, and slid down the banister for a little bit before finally waving at me. Very impressive. She introduced herself as Anna, and she said it in the snooty way—_Ah-_na. She elbowed Rapunzel, and the two giggled as Anna curtsied, and I bowed in return.

"Elsa," Rapunzel called out, and my ears perked up at the name. It was interesting, I thought. Simple, and pretty. "Are you going to come down?"

Her legs, long and willowy, came into view first, before I caught sight of a girl who was slightly older than Anna with hair of an impossible shade of blonde and eyes that were an even more impossible shade of blue.

She and Anna looked alike, but while Anna wore two braids, she had her hair up in this funky bun that looked way too complicated to emulate. Rapunzel's hair was wonderfully simple in comparison, this golden waterfall that I loved playing with.

Strangely enough, Elsa, I thought, looked more like _me_ than Rapunzel. And that was sure interesting, because no one ever looked like me, and if there was one things parents hated more than my battered hoodie, it was probably the fact that my hair was a brilliant shade of white.

She—Elsa—barely noticed me. She nodded briefly, and hugged her arms around herself. I was a little bit stunned at her shyness, and Anna looked at me with an almost defiant look, daring me to introduce myself.

"Hi," I said, slowly. I tried for a wave that turned awkward quickly. "I'm Jack."

Another nod from Elsa, and she held a staring contest with the floor. When her hands weren't wrapped around her torso, they fiddled at the ends of her navy cardigan. I saw, and still laugh at the fact, that my hoodie was like a bastardized version of her neat sweater.

"Elsa's shy," Rapunzel explained. "Which is totally okay, because—"

Rapunzel didn't get to finish her point, and I doubt it would've alleviated the awkwardness of the situation, as Ms. Corona chose that opportune moment to walk out and announce that dinner was ready.

She explained that we would be eating steak, and asked if I was okay with that, to which I wanted to respond '_Shit yeah, I'm okay_' but I knew that Rapunzel wouldn't like that (honestly though, who in their right mind would), so I just nodded respectfully.

The table was also huge, and I waited until everybody sat down to claim my seat, which was to the left of Elsa and directly in front of Rapunzel. She knocked my knee with hers, and I gave her the tiniest smile.

Our legs curled around each other under the table, and Rapunzel looked around to make sure that nobody noticed. I'm sure nobody really cared, not even Elsa who looked at me out of the corner of her eye once when she sensed movement under the table. Perceptive.

But even though Ms. Corona had already arranged everybody's dinners impeccably, I noticed Elsa barely touched hers. She did that thing where you play around with your fork to be polite, and you take enough potatoes to make it seem like you've made a dent, when in reality all you do is condense your food into a pile. She did it expertly, even though her fingers trembled like crazy.

Rapunzel shot concerned looks at her from time to time, and when it looked like she wanted to say something, her lips formed no sound, and I'd knock my knee against her gently. Her smile was one of the best things I'd ever seen in the world too, if I haven't mentioned that yet.

After a while, Elsa stood up and Anna, who sat across from her, took her food as if it were a normal thing to do. Elsa retired to her room after eloquently mumbling some words. They were put together carefully, and what surprised me the most was when she looked me straight in the eye and told me to have a good evening. I caught the cyan hints in her eyes.

I knew she had to put on airs too, but nevertheless I felt some sense of accomplishment at her acknowledgement, which sounds ridiculous, I know.

Looking back, I think that she reminded me of me at the time. Only, instead of experiencing my inner turmoil, Elsa lived it out. The only thing that looked animated about her at all was her eyes, which danced between terror and this fantastic sorrow that told me she _understood_.

I nodded in return, and Rapunzel beamed at her cousin. It was a big step, I now realize, for Elsa to talk to people.

Elsa walked away from the table, her arms returning to hug herself, and upstairs I heard the quiet, ringing shut of a door.

And across the table, there came a quiet, ringing sigh in return.


	3. Official Boyfriend

Being an Official Boyfriend was supposed to be great. I got Rapunzel's parents' approval, and I thought that they would let us alone for the rest of the summer, which was great, because I had nothing to do other than hang out with Rapunzel and work at North's bookshop. (Believe it or not, I had a tiny life that existed outside of my girlfriend's world. But the bookstore kind of sucked anyway.)

I was going to go away to university at the end of the summer, and I was pretty damn excited to spend three months with Rapunzel. She was going to be a high school junior next year (please don't judge me), so this was the last time we'd see each other for a long time.

She was just as excited as I was, and a day after the Official Boyfriend Dinner, she walked into the bookshop.

I, per usual, was dicking around and sitting in a corner reading. North knew, but he didn't care. He knew Emma, my baby sister, and the only reason he gave me the job was because he felt bad for me. He probably regretted that decision anyway, but I needed the money so I stuck around.

I distinctly remember reading some shitty teenage romance novel when she walked in. The bells above the door rang, and I immediately stood up when I saw that golden waterfall of hair.

She laughed when she saw that I was reading a novel, and when she saw the cover she started laughing even harder. Her laugh was warm, and it had this funny affect on me where I just wanted to drown myself in it.

"I didn't pin you for the romance type, Jack," she said. She moved in for a greeting hug, and I let the novel drop from my hands to wrap my arms around her.

"Nice to see you too," I replied, before bending down to shove the novel in a shelf that was vaguely where it came from. Rapunzel snorted. "What are you doing in here?"

"I have a really dumb idea," she answered, suddenly blushing at the question.

I moved around to the counter, and she followed, but she didn't tell me the 'dumb idea,' so I asked her, "What's the dumb idea?"

"I want a calendar," she said.

"That's not a dumb idea," I said, and I pointed to a wall behind her. "Our calendars are hung over there. Pick one up."

She moved back to the wall, and with her back to me, she began talking. "It's going to be a calendar so I can plan out our summer. Is that dumb? I think that's dumb."

I think my heart melted a tiny bit at that. She looked so pensive when she turned around, with a flower calendar clutched to her chest, that I couldn't help but wave her over so I could tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

I hate a lot of cheesy gestures, but sometimes, when you're half in love with somebody, you'll do the corniest things, I swear.

"I don't think that's a dumb idea at all," I said. "I think it's a really smart idea actually."

"Just, you know," she said, with her amazing green eyes widening as she looked up to meet my eyes. "You're leaving in August, you know, and you're also my first boyfriend and this will be my first ever summer romance and…"

"I completely get you," I said, and I rung up the calendar. She handed me some bills, and I gave her the change, my hand lingering for a few seconds on her palm.

"Day number one," she said with a grin, "will be tomorrow. I know that you're not working on Sunday, so I got us amusement park tickets. Is that okay?"

"That's great," I said with what I hoped was enthusiasm in my voice. I'd been to the amusement park more times with Emma than I could remember, and thinking about it made a hole begin to corrode in my stomach.

Rapunzel took my hand then, and squeezed it. "And I know you don't drive, so Elsa's gonna drive us there and back. She's the only one in our family with a license. Is that okay?"

"That's fine," I said. Thinking about driving made that hole burn a little bit more, and I tried for a smile. She squeezed my hand harder, and even though I never told her about Emma, I guess she knew that driving was a touchy subject for me, since I biked everywhere.

So, Rapunzel arranged a calendar with dates on it. I thought it was kind of ridiculous but also hilarious at the same time.

We were going to go to, for lack of a better adjective, a _shit_ton of places together. I guess she wanted to make her summer romance meaningful or something by going to the places, which varied from places that were insanely far away to places that were super close.

I couldn't drive, so I knew that Elsa had to drive us everywhere.

I probably should've realized that the fact that Elsa was accompanying us everywhere wasn't exactly a good thing. That maybe it was a sign of Rapunzel's protective parents, that Elsa wouldn't be willing to third wheel it hard, and that it was an idiotic premise in itself.

But I shrugged it off. And when I got home that day to eat dinner alone like always, I didn't give it another thought.

* * *

AN EXPLANATION: WHY I ATE DINNER ALONE

Hey. Hey Elsa. Sorry for breaking with the fascinating narrative (God dammit I know I'm a shitty writer but I swear _I'm trying_), and sorry for addressing you again. I don't even know if you're going to be reading this, but I can't get it out of my head that you _might_ see these words, so I figured to put in some explanation bit in here of my terrific life.

I know if I were really trying to be artistic I wouldn't tell you that I'm doing this, but I need you to understand. And I think that this Great Big Thing will help me understand too.

It's very John Steinbeck _Grapes of Wrath _of me, with those freaking intercalary chapters, I know. You can thank me later—I know how much you hated that book.

-Jack

* * *

I grew up with two other people in my life—a mother and a sister.

My father was a rolling stone. And no, he wasn't one of those cool ones like Mick Jagger or whoever the hell else, but I mean that he was a dead beat.

His name was Manny Frost, and I remember him being a fantastic dad, at least for the first seven years of my life. And I mean fantastic dad in the way that all little kids mean fantastic dad—that he brought me to ball games, did Easter Egg Hunts with me, but there were still little flaws in him.

He had these periods of unexplained detachment, where he wouldn't show affection at all, and my mother used to call those his "spells." When he got out of a spell, everything was fine, but God, during those spells, things were awful.

My mother was stressed, he was habitually scolded at his job, and I couldn't understand anything that was going on.

I still don't understand why. I mean I know, it's probably some mental illness or some trauma or something, but it killed me. And when my mother got pregnant a second time, with little Emma, his periods of silence got worse. They were longer and more frequent, and when he got fired from his job, something tilted in the axis of his world, completely separate of his children or wife.

So he left, right after Emma was born.

And sure, you can do Freudian analysis and all that shit and deduce that a significant chunk of the reasons why my brain is so bewildered is the fact that I grew up in a struggling household without a father, but I think that's a load of horse shit.

Because my mother—she's honestly one of the greatest human beings alive. She was the strong one, the one who made sure that we still valued our education, that we had enough to eat even though our rent was sometimes precariously on the balance of being unpaid.

She was the whole reason that I felt okay after my father leaving, and she's the reason that I want _to do something_ with my life, so she can be proud of me.

And Emma—her arrival also righted the axis of my world, which had been thrown awry by my father's departure. Emma, who was so small, Emma, who wasn't really that much of a nuisance as a baby but rather a wonder, and who also gave me a purpose.

So my mother, Emma, and I grew up together until my seventeenth year. That was the year I got accepted into Pittsburg. It was also the year Emma died.

It was a car crash.

You know that, Elsa. I know that you know that—I told you. I told you in the car that one time after the disastrous amusement park date with Rapunzel. But…it's still hard.

So I ate dinner alone because my mom was busting her ass off so I could afford a little bit of college, maybe, and Emma was gone.

Yeah.

It's still really, really hard.


	4. Fun

So the next day, I was kind of dreading the whole amusement park thing.

I got why Rapunzel wanted to go though—I suspected she wanted to do the whole cliché summer thing before I left, which I totally understood. In a quiet way, I really like stuff that's corny, when it's done well, which makes me a little bit of a pansy, but I digress.

It was also two days after the Official Boyfriend induction, and I knew that this being the first date after and all, I had to prove myself or something.

For the record, I hate having to prove myself.

And thinking of Emma made me want to go insane. Grief drowns you, and that day I was feeling that all too familiar drowning feeling. I kept remembering the way she loved the amusement park.

I kept remembering how she loved the Ferris Wheel, or the way she would laugh with that gap between her front two teeth whenever I won a stuffed animal with her. It was all I could think about when my eyes opened at 8 AM—Rapunzel wanted to be in the park as soon as it opened—and I all I could think about when I slipped on my clothes carelessly.

Emma was the kind of kid you wanted to keep with you forever.

Emma was the kind of kid you kept thinking about over and over. Sometimes I thought she was still here, and that day, I couldn't help but feel like she was coming back to me.

Bits and pieces of flashbacks kept coming back to me, at least.

The first time I saw her, for instance, was a pretty big deal. My mother had just come home from the hospital, and I don't remember where my dad was. But she was carrying Emma in her arms, and Emma was just so _damn small_ that I knew for the first time that I was really going to be a _big_ brother.

It was a really big deal for me. Still is.

And that morning, as I ate breakfast alone—my mom was sleeping—I couldn't help but flinch at all the repressed memories. It wasn't good, I know, for me to repress memories because they would only resurface, but I nearly went insane when Emma was gone.

I'm still kind of insane.

Rapunzel called me while I was chewing on some shitty granola bar, and her enthusiasm helped a tiny little bit. Maybe, I told myself, I could make new memories in the park. I had to make new memories in the park—maybe Rapunzel would want her first kiss today.

(We hadn't kissed then. We hadn't kissed for a whole month, which may seem crazy, but this was Rapunzel, and she was so pure and innocent that I didn't want to push her into anything. The girls I like the best are also the ones I respect the most.)

"Elsa's going to be there soon," she said into the phone as a hair dryer ran on in the background. "Okay? She's picking you up."

"Fine," I said. "I'm looking forward to it today."

I figured if I said the lie out loud, it might become true. She laughed into the phone, and I felt infinitesimally better. Her laugh could probably cure everything.

"I'm excited too," she said. Her voice was a little bit breathless. "I haven't been excited for anything since my birthday."

Her sixteenth birthday was a month earlier, and the only reason I remember is because that was the day we first went out. We went out to a movie, I think. She was the one who asked me if I wanted to go. We were in the same art class at school, and we were pretty good friends. I always thought she was beautiful, but after the whole Emma thing, I didn't want to do anything with my life.

But I thought I was getting better with her.

"I'll see you when Elsa comes over here with you then. Stay good," she said, and I smiled a little.

I just kind of stood outside my door after, waiting for Elsa. My thumbs were hooked into the loops of my jeans, even though I generally hated people who did that because I thought it made them a tool. It was a nervous habit of mine though.

A dark blue car showed up eventually. It was a really nice car, and I didn't expect anything less of the Coronas.

It stopped in front of the apartment complex, and Elsa rolled down the window. Her hair was still in that stupid bun, and she gave me a miniscule wave. I nodded, and took my hands out of my belt loops as I climbed into the back seat.

Her hands were shaking on the steering wheel, and I wondered if she wanted to make conversation or something.

"Good morning," I tried to say pleasantly. As pleasantly as I could, at least, which was pleasant as hell when I tried.

"Hi," she said quickly and quietly, so much that it was a nervous, breathy ghost of conversation. Then she started the car, and the rumble of the engine made me flinch.

I hate being in cars, so I didn't really want to talk after that.

So I tried to concentrate on something else. But she didn't play any music in the car, and she drove like any normal human being, except with those goddamn shaky hands. I figured I probably made her uncomfortable or something.

I just kind of stared at the back of her head. She was almost as tall as me, only a couple of inches shorter, I'd guess. Rapunzel was _tiny_ though.

And I don't know if I've mentioned this before—but Elsa was kind of a knockout. And by kind of, I mean she was really _really_ a knockout. She was the type of girl who would've made people stop and stare on the street.

But I didn't really care at the time, you see. Because I had Rapunzel, and as far as I was concerned, no beauty was as important as the fact that Rapunzel was one of the best people I'd ever known in my life.

The entire car ride was silent until we got to the Corona household. Again, the entire place seemed like a freaking palace, and it intimidated me, but at least I didn't have to shove my bike anywhere this time.

Rapunzel didn't come out for a good fifteen minutes.

Elsa murmured something uncomfortable that I didn't catch, and she motioned to her phone to show me that she was going to call her.

Her voice startled me when I heard it for real for the first time.

"Rapunzel?" she said into the line. When her voice was actually audible, it sounded different. It still sounded…soft, but like it was a good type of soft, like it was spun out of secrets and starlight. (How's that for some fucking artistic shit.) It was something that you wanted to melt into, something mysterious that made you want to get to know her better.

And I didn't think that her voice, or anything about her was significant at the time. But now, I realize little things that are important to me.

A reply came from the other line, and Elsa sighed a little bit. "We're waiting for you, though, okay?"

The call ended. Elsa announced in the silence of the car after a shaking breath, "An-another ten."

"That's okay," I said, rubbing my hands on my jeans. Another nervous habit.

A silence filled the car then, and Elsa just sat really still in the front seat. I was about to chew on my hoodie strings, but I figured Elsa was the type of person who might pass out at the unsanitary sight. So I just kind of moved around from position to position, jiggling my leg and whatnot.

It probably annoyed her—a lot of the things I do annoy the hell out of other people, I've noticed—but she said nothing.

When Rapunzel finally came out of the house, she ran toward the car and opened the backseat with a huge grin. Her smile made me feel shitty about the fact that I was feeling shitty, and I knew I couldn't ruin today. She waggled the tickets between her fingers, and breathlessly offered an apology.

"Anna was flipping out over me," Rapunzel said, and she grinned as she tapped Elsa's seat. "As you know how she gets."

One side of Elsa's lips pulled up in a small smile, and she started the car. With Rapunzel around, the air in the car wasn't as nervous or uncomfortable as before, and we held hands all the way there.

I don't really remember what Rapunzel and I talked about on the car ride, to be honest. I'm surprised I remember a lot of conversations that I have with people at all, God—the majority of them are useless and vapid and based on superficial courtesy. I remember her continually squeezing my hand, though, and I guess that was supposed to be comforting.

I just remember feeling more and more nervous as I recognized more and more familiar routes. Back when I actually used my license, Emma and I went to the amusement park for special occasions, like birthdays or the first days of summer.

I kept remembering that damn teddy bear I won for her that one time. Her gap tooth smile. Her light, twinkling laughter as she realized the teddy bear was as big as she was. The Ferris Wheel.

The kind of kid you want to keep forever.

* * *

"You're not having a good time."

"I'm sorry, I'm really trying, I swear to God."

"What's wrong? Do you not like the amusement park? Do you not like—"

"No! No, no, no, it's great. It's just…"

"Jack, what _is_ it? You know that you can tell me."

"I know, I know. But it's really hard, Rapunzel, it's really really hard and I'm really really sorry and I swear I'll tell you sometime later but I can't right now. I'm just an idiot, okay? I'm trying to get better though, I really am."

"You've gotten sad again, though. You know how much I hated it when you were sad."

"I'm trying to get better, okay? I swear I'm trying, I'm trying—"

"Don't worry about it, alright? I'm sorry for pushing you about it. Do you want to go on the Ferris Wheel or something?"

"…No."

"Jack, where do you want to go? All I want is for you to be happy, you know—"

"I know, and God, I'm so sorry. Where do you want to go?"

"…Do you want to play those games to win those stuffed animals?"

"…I can't."

"Jack, I just don't _understand_. You've never been like this before; you look like you're on the verge of a breakdown or something."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry—"

"It's fine, you don't need to continue apologizing, okay? I want you to have a good time, though, so how are we going to have a good time?"

"I don't think I can have a good time here, Punz. I can't. I thought today would be okay, but now I've gone and ruined it—and I make a mess of everything, God. This shouldn't be happening, if I were just—"

"Don't worry about it. Let's go home. Okay?"

"Yeah. Sorry. I really wanted you to have a good day today."

"No more apologies, okay? I'm perfectly fine. We'll just do something next week."

"Next week."

"Next week. Let's get out of here, then, alright? Exit's right over there."

"…Thanks."

* * *

Disaster (n.): a date in which Jack Frost felt grief and repressed memories eat him up until he couldn't stand anything anymore, and he had to leave early, and he still can't describe it well two years after because it brings up too many painful memories and _goddammit why can't he be normal_

Jack Frost (n.): a dickwad who was about as stable as a split atom, who thought he could maybe get out of his detachment and start _feeling again_ until the aforementioned disaster

Rapunzel (n.): a lovely, lovely girl who Jack Frost did not deserve

Elsa (n.): a girl on the margins who did not really matter until the disaster came about and Jack realized from her eyes that maybe she was somebody who could _understand_


	5. Aftermath

Elsa was sleeping back in the car. She was conked out in the front seat, and she had a paperback that looked far too thick to be enjoyable on top of her face.

It was a little embarrassing, to be honest, to have to wake her up. Rapunzel, who had wound her hand through mine, used her free hand to tap on the glass. We tapped and knocked and tried yelling through the glass, but to no avail.

Elsa didn't stir at all, and you think that she'd be the type of girl who was a light sleeper, being that she seemed so nervous and all.

Rapunzel just laughed lightly and pulled out her phone to dial Elsa's number. We heard Elsa's phone through the car's window, and it was pretty awkward to see her wake and stare right at us. Those eyes, God, they looked so big and bewildered that it was kind of comical. They were also this crazy shade of blue that made you want to stop for a moment.

She immediately unlocked the doors, righted her seat, and tossed the paperback to the side door as we sat back in. Through the mirror I could see the tiny pools of color on her skin.

After a while of a little bit of silence, Elsa seemed to realize that something was a little off. I guess she napped because she thought it wouldn't be a long time before we'd get back. But being that I ruin everything, lo and behold, we were back early and I felt like a jackass.

Elsa didn't question us though, which was great.

And when we drove back to the Corona household in silence that Rapunzel unsuccessfully tired to break while squeezing my hand throughout the entire ride, I realized the scale in which I effed up.

It was supposed to be a fun date, supposed to be one of those summer things where we got cotton candy and kissed on the Ferris Wheel and all that corny shit.

I would've liked the corny shit, I think.

* * *

When Rapunzel left to go back into the house, I really felt like beating myself up. Her voice kind of lost its pep at the end of the ride, when she realized no one wanted to speak. She also drooped a little, and I hoped to God that Elsa didn't notice.

But Elsa was perceptive. Of course she would notice.

Elsa and I drove back to my house in a palpably awkward silence, and her hands clenched the steering wheel tightly. It seemed like she actually wanted to say something; sometimes her breathing would get really fast and she would make fleeting eye contact with me in a mirror.

Her eyes, though, always darted away. Her breathing always steadied again.

Until we got back to my house.

When she pulled up in front of the apartment complex, she stopped the car and I was ready to bolt out of there.

But she wouldn't unlock the car, and I was about to manually unlock it, until she took a deep breath.

"Don't hurt her," she said it in that barely audible way of hers, before her eyes met mine in the mirror and her voice strengthened a little bit. "Don't hurt her, okay?"

I didn't know what to say.

"Rapunzel…" she said into the silence. Goddammit, those eyes. "Rapunzel is a really _really_ good person, and I would hate for anyone to hurt her. So please, don't do it."

Her voice was firm now, and her eyebrows tilted up a little. She said everything gently, but I was still ready to beat myself up.

"I won't," I said finally, ready to fling myself out of the car when I idiotically spoke again. "Just tell Rapunzel I'm sorry."

"Why?" The question was out, seemingly before she could stop it. Her eyes, though, searched mine with a brave boldness. Her lips were slightly parted, and her words were rushed when she apologized with a, "Sorry, that was uncalled for, you don't need to tell me—"

"The date went kind of badly," I mumbled, looking down. "So tell her sorry. Tell her that I have a natural aversion to…amusement parks."

She just looked at me with those eyes, and for some reason I thought that if she could convey the world in a glance, maybe—just maybe—she could understand.

We were complete strangers, I knew. I knew that it wasn't smart to tell Elsa anything personal, but she looked like a fantastic listener. She looked like a person you could talk to on the phone too, a person who you wouldn't criticize you in their head when they were talking to you, a person who wouldn't judge.

I didn't know how I knew any of those things. There weren't any concrete facts to prove any of my ideas.

I just knew that I was going fucking insane because of Emma that day, and God, my mom couldn't know—Emma killed her too—and I just needed to connect with _someone_, even if it was a stranger.

Rapunzel—I couldn't tell her. She was too good to get tangled up in my shitty life, and I also got this sort of fundamental feeling that she wouldn't understand.

I didn't know why I thought Elsa would understand.

"Is that all you want me to tell her?"

"Yeah."

"Okay," she said. She unlocked the doors, but my goddamn mouth moved again.

"I hate amusement parks because of my sister."

The words were hot and fast, and they came out at the wrong time.

I'm a madman.

"You have a sister?" she asked. It was a simple question, and I saw something analogous to hope in her eyes. I remembered Anna, and it made my insides squirm.

"Had." That word was even quicker, and the next just kept following—"Had a sister, car crash, all my fault goddammit, I'm going to go now, and _don't tell Rapunzel any of this_. I don't know what I'm doing anymore, I swear, I don't know why I got you involved, God, I'm sorry."

And I was out of there.

Before she could tell me she was sorry, before I could see any regret in her eyes, I was the goddamn out of that car and into my house.

I slammed the car door and the house door.

I've always hated people who slam doors.

And now I was one of them.


End file.
